The New and the Old

Details at Play-cricket but the short story is Mandarins lost to Peper Harow by 27 runs on 5th October 2024. Here's the long story...

The latest fixture in Mandarin history (leaving aside indoor winter cricket played by the ‘Mandarines’ in the 90s) was always going to be a chancy affair. And so it proved. The weather forecast on the appointed date being uncertain there were moves to bring the fixture forward a day. Should we risk losing the record to a cancellation, or risk disappointing the significant number of Mandarins who had already made their weekend plans around the initial date?

Such are the kinds of problems at which civil servants (and the various honorary civil servants who now grace the Mandarins) excel. WhatsApp messages were exchanged. Trade offs were examined in depth. Soundings were taken. Eventually the committee met in solemn e-conclave. The white smoke emitted: the match would be brought forward, with fervent apologies to those inconvenienced.

So, to the small matter of assembling a team at less than 2 days notice. Contacts were contacted, even contacts of contacts. And lo and behold 11 ‘Mandarins’ duly assembled: a mixture of regular Mandarins, team mates of Mandarins from other clubs (a few of whom had a previous Mandarin appearance to their names), and one team mate of a team mate – huge kudos to Dan for the assembling and thanks to all the irregulars for coming: it was great having you and do come again. 

Miraculously, the Mandarins spirit survived (and I do not refer here to the orange liqueur bottle which used to be awarded to the Mandarin moment of the year, but which I suspect has long since been drunk by someone’s teenage offspring at an impromptu party).

The weather at Peper Harow rose to the occasion. Although the 29 degrees recorded on the scoreboard showed a touch of hyperbolae, it was still the kind of day which those of us who had optimistically signed up to fixtures in April or September had been dreaming of  - before the aforementioned games  were cancelled days before the off as record amounts of rain rendered pitches unplayable. Warm, almost balmy. Sunny. A breath of wind. The younger players were wearing shades.   

Peper Harow batted. Skipper John H faced the unenviable task of juggling 9 bowlers (he very ably used all 9) with perhaps 2 regular batters. 

It soon became clear that we had a genuine ringer – Sami – who bowled at a pace not seen since the days of Rawdon Adams, and swung it as well. Rob, perforce, had to bowl up the hill with the short boundary behind him. But although Sami removed one opener, the numbers 2 and 3 led a bit of a charmed life and relieved themselves by taking advantage of the short boundary (in the air, classic cover drives along the ground only going for one or two – and in one case 3, the culprit knows who he is!). However, young Matt guesting from Alton got the ball to grip with 2 clean bowled as a result. And team mate of Dan’s mate Kit at Shepperton, Prab, (recruited that morning) showed why he usually opens the bowling with another rather better team.

Yours truly came on third change, and a wicket maiden (an awesome stumping by keeper Wilmot) led the oppo to accuse me of being a ringer. Ironic since Rob and I were only ones of the first 8 bowlers who weren’t ringers.  However, a return to my usual form duly followed.

At 50-5 we thought we had them. Archivist Baker arrived to witness the denouement. But then came the game changing partnership, opposition skipper Imran eventually retiring for 50 (only to come back and inflict more pain when their last man was out). The second young Alton twin Jamie and occasional Mandarins, Neil and Gary bowled gamely without success. Finally, Dan came on (and Sami and Prab came back) to finish off the tail. But a total of 159 looked pretty good.

Or so we thought. 3.4 overs later, three new Mandarins records had been set (subject to official ratification by Chris ‘McWhirter’ Baker). 

First, fastest opening 50 stand (3.4 overs).

Second, fastest 50 by a Mandarins opener: Sami – 21 balls.

Third, the record most in keeping with the spirit of the club, lowest not out contribution in an opening 50 stand: Dan, promoted to opener (0 not out, admittedly off only 2 balls faced!)

Sami retired but the score still mounted to 71 for 0, and the wiseacres who recalled Mandarins collapses of the past at this venue were being shushed.

Lo and behold, history did indeed repeat itself. First Wilmot pulled something in his leg and retired hurt. Second, we did indeed collapse – even a cleaned bowled off a no ball  and Wilmot’s return to the crease on the understanding that there would be nothing more than boundaries (hopeful) and very slow walked singles failed to avert the inevitable. Admittedly they had some rather good change bowling and just about the only two batsmen who were used to playing together – Alton twin brothers Jamie and Matt - contrived a run out: we hope words were not exchanged on the way home. Finally, Sami returned to the crease and hope briefly rose, until Rob ‘I really fancy a bat today’ Eastaway attempted a firm cut shot, only to edge one to the keeper. 

As ever however, the game was the winner. A November 20:20 anyone?

Martin Hurst

The Great Porterish Bake Off

A really close contest, fought fiercely until the closing stages, between highly qualified and high quality contenders. It swung this way and that with each instalment.

It had all the ingredients of a classic. A picturesque English village scene. Late summer sunshine coupled with the first of the autumn colours on the trees. Technical excellence, competitive action, but also a friendly and jocular spirit.

It would have been nice to have Gemma there too to take part, and Wendy to watch. And of course we missed Mike as an umpire, along with other absent friends.

But truly, the Great Porterish Bake Off 2024 was a fine and fitting way to remember the late Rob Foot and raise a little money for the Leukaemia Fund in his name. Jon’s Victoria Sponge versus James’ brownies and Helen’s scones. A battle for the ages. Your correspondent is a modest man as you know, but he owed it to you dear readers to tell the tale of the day and therefore to try them all.

JP’s sponge? Had he really not bought this from a shop? Lightly baked, delicately iced, generously sliced and deliciously consumed. The all rounder’s all rounder indeed, economics and home economics in equal measure.

James’ brownies? Clearly the work of a young man who can work at speed without compromising quality across any discipline. Sweet without being unbearable, a crust without losing that gooey middle, and the baking accomplished on the same weekend that he ran the Richmond Marathon. Some people are so talented they make you feel sick, even if their brownies don’t.

And Helen’s scones? She’d already tried to bribe us with bacon rolls before play and a second offering of lemon drizzle at tea. But only one bake could go forward to the judges, and it was hard not to be swayed by the high quality clotted cream and jam served with them. But it was the scones themselves that were there to be judged and, although Helen herself felt like she hadn’t quite timed them right, they tasted like they’d come straight out of the middle of the oven to me. Pillowy soft, evenly baked and yes-I-don’t-mind-if-I-do-have-another-one good.

A winner you say? Scores? Don’t be so obtuse. This is the Mandarins. We all know that the taking part (and the consuming of the tea) are far more important than the actual result.

Baking was the winner of course. And a fine celebration of it this was. A showstopper of a day. Helen reckoned it the 21^st year we have gathered to remember Rob, with only one of those (last year) rained off. So the 20^th anniversary and the fifth time we have marked it with Alton at Bentworth was toasted between the competitors (and the two cricket teams) at the lovely Sun Inn afterwards. We will continue to do so.

*Alas the actual cricket was a little less competitive. The Mandarins bowled serviceably but did not take their catches. Harry was a little unlucky, Rob reluctant to give runs as Paul Hollywood is reluctant to give praise, Matt Conway the most effective with his first two wickets for the club. But otherwise the youthful Alton side took full advantage and tucked in to 200 runs before tea. Perhaps weighed down by all the delicacies as well as all the decades, the Mandarins did not respond quite so aggressively, although an 80+ middle order partnership full of signature strokes between the left handers Wilmot and Brand was artful and accumulative enough to keep the game alive for a while before it faded away like a cake that didn’t rise, eight down, not very near the target. Unlike the Porters’ baking, sometimes the ingredients just don’t react in the way that want them to.

Alton (203/5) beat the Mandarins (148/8) by 55 runs

https://alton.play-cricket.com/website/results/6653560

Dan Forman

Sam Brand vs Reading

There are rare days in a cricketer’s life where you wake up, drive down to the ground, the traffic signals are all green everywhere and you just know today is going to be fun. This experience never happens to a Mandarin but today was an exception.

A 10-men Mandarin team were due to play a 35 over match at Reading School and as tradition would have it, the traffic was delaying a famous Mandarin from arriving on time. Andy Heard volunteered to captain and smartly arranged for us to bat first on what looked like an under prepared pitch.

David Williams and Arun Sajjan opened to face a barrage of darts from A Herath. From the other end, A Vernone took up the challenge of landing his left arm leg spin on the pitch – he struggled to do that most of the time but did manage to get David stumped of a wide that was so far outside off that it threatened to land on the adjacent strip. The player of the match Sam Brand walked in at 3 took some time to get the measure of those darts and loopy drops and then turned on his T20 avatar. He produced a fine knock of 79 playing some superb shots all around the ground. Him and Arun constructed an 83 run partnership before Arun was stumped for 36. Chris Baker was in next, hit a nice boundary and was out bowled for 5. Jonathan Wilmot scored a breezy 31 and Chris McKeon was unbeaten at 13. The ever reliable Johnny Extras produced a fine 48 on the day and was the second top scorer as we finished with 217 for 5.

After some tea and biscuits we took the field again. Rob Eastaway started proceedings and was right on the money from ball 1. He bowled a superb 7 over spell for 24 runs but was unlucky to not take any wickets. Your correspondent, who shared the new ball with him was lucky and took the first of his 4 scalps caught and bowled low to his right. The second wicket fell quicky thereafter with David Williams taking a low catch at short midwicket. Reading skipper Andy Eagle and A. Herath then struck a 101 run partnership with the latter doing the most damage. Herath scored 64 of 55 balls and peppered the cow corner boundary with continuous boundaries. He was ultimately caught in the deep by Chris Baker off my bowling and with it ending most of the opposition’s hopes of chasing down a stiff total. Reading skipper soon fell after as the pressure of the scoreboard got to him – he was caught by Arun at cover of my bowling. Jonathan Porter, Andy Heard and Arun Sajjan all bowled tidy spells. A final flurry from Reading was ongoing but Andy brought in Sam as our 6th bowler and he finished his day with 3 for 27 producing a wicket in each of his 3 overs – his first wicket was a caught and bowled, second was a plumb LBW and the third was a quick stumping. Reading finished with 192 for 7 in their allotted 35 overs.

Sam took the wind of Reading’s sails with his stand out performances with both the bat and ball. He also surged past 1000 career runs for us!

Mandarins beat Reading University Staff by 25 runs.

Rakesh Ramani

A Tour For All Seasons

A Friday late summer evening in the south of England

Amazingly (given how tough it has been in the past to get 11 people to Oxford on a Friday evening) a full team, two umpires, scorer and a gaggle of supporters gathered in the evening sun at Horspath CC to play FFTMCC, a team we have mostly lost to. Equally amazingly the FFTMMC captain got enough of his team out of the bar to start on time. Capn’ Bob (replacing Paul stuck in traffic) chose to bat. As so always in T20 games we rather crawled to a distinctly average score. Sam Keayes, David W and Gemma made good contributions but it was the late arriving Paul who hopped his way to 34 retired including four consecutive fours and got us to 119 (while adding a thigh injury to the calf and ankle injuries he was already carrying.)

FFTMCC made a good start but once their outstanding bat retired on 38 (apparently he hasn’t been out since June) the rate gradually climbed. All Mandarins bowled well but Alton pro JP showed all his league skills with flawless figures of 4-1-11-1. The final score of 107 suggests it was a bit tighter than it actually was. So a good win followed by a beer or two and for many of us an excellent Thai at the Queen’s Head.

A winter Saturday in Newcastle

The weather had truly changed on Saturday with a bitter North East wind and heavy cloud greeting us at Midsomer, sorry Warborough, to play the Erratics, a team clearly intent on revenge after last year’s shock defeat. Skipper Healey chose to bat first and we found it tough going. At 70-5 off 26 overs it could have gone either way. But partnerships of 29 with Jonathan and 38 with Chris H by your correspondent got us to 149-6 when Chris controversially decided to declare one over before tea as “the Erratics have seen quite enough of our batting”. My Boycottian approach wasn’t to everyone’s tastes (eg Chris Baker ) but some of us have seen too many Mandarin collapses (see Sunday).

Chris’ team talk as we took to the field was clear “we are going to lose so don’t worry”. Was this a master stroke of reverse-psychology? Well, nearly. The Erratics never got away and kept losing wickets. Credit to Andy who bowled beautifully until asked by the skipper how he was doing it which caused him to move from Dr Jekyll to Mr Heard mode and lose the plot in an agony of self-analysis. Raki was as classy as ever. Watched by his frozen wife he took 2-26 off 11. Sam B took a stunning one handed catch and Harry nearly took the catch of this and many seasons. But while the final score looked close with the Erratics 8 down and in the penultimate over when they passed our total, the truth is Chris Cook seemed to have it all under control from well out. A group of Texan cosy crime fans watching from one corner of the green weren’t obviously impressed. To the pub for beer, barbecue and banter. The Erratics legendary Secretary Annie Chave doling out the fines rightly fined all those Mandarins who had abused the Chairman and Tour Manager for his steady batting. Chris Baker knew what was coming and had crept away early to escape his punishment.

Summer again, this time Singapore style

Sunday bizarrely dawned hot and humid. Luckily we dodged the thunder showers. Indeed Harwell was looking good but the boundaries seemed bigger than ever (a tactical move by the opposition given most of us were over 60 and many were by now nursing injuries?) Skipper Drew playing his first match of the season chose to bat and again we headed inexorably for that mystical number, 149. More looked probable as we hit 134-2 with Tim the star with 50. But the late introduction of their top league bowler, Ettin George, saw a rapid collapse to the inevitable 149 without us using all of our 35 overs.

For much of their reply we kept them in check, even though about half our fielders were down to walking pace at best in the heat with Adam speeding in all directions putting us to shame. Especial mention for the double Eastaway opening attack and another fine spell from JP. After 28 overs Harwell were only on 97 and down to their last recognised batsmen. But if ever a game turned on one moment it was this: Tim to big hitter Ettin a possible/probable/certain bottom edge depending on your viewpoint. Bob celebrated the catch. The umpire was unmoved. The batsman said he’d heard a noise but didn’t know what it was. Ettin then rode his luck and took Harwell to victory. Grudges were not held (apart possibly from by Bob who had to work hard on his diplomatic skills) and we enjoyed beers and awards with the opposition who were clearly pleased to have beaten us for the first time.) The two Mandarin nominations for the coveted Dick of the Day award were Nikhil K for using a bat with a mysterious sharp bottom edge that caused him to stop dead six inches out of the crease and be run out and Drew, who was told by Chris H as he came out to bat, that the bowler was sending down sharp off-cutters and promptly shouldered arms to one just outside of off causing the inevitable to happen.

Anyway thanks to all who played, especially David who got himself injured again playing all three matches. It was also great to see a few of the Oxford area irregulars. Three great fixtures against top opposition in rural Oxfordshire – what’s not to like?

John Hawkins

Murphy’s Last Stand

Mandarins (192-8) defeated Elstead (167 ao) by 25 runs

Bank Holiday Monday brought both the familiar trip to Elstead and the end of an era for a Mandarins great as Pat Murphy took to the field for the final time. A miserly bowler as a Mandarin, he became a major thorn in the club’s side as captain of Elstead, where the Mandarins had not won for 13 years.

Monday, however, saw Pete Lincoln in the driving seat who generously arranged the toss with Mandarins skipper Baxter, allowing us to bat first given Wilmot was stuck somewhere on the M25 and Williams had been forced to switch to a backup car after his Aston Martin failed him.

The Mandarins started well, Baxter and “T20 Sam” Brand racing to 45 off the first 10 and eventually an unbeaten 101 before Sam was retired on 53. Baxter fell shortly afterwards for 47, felled by young quick Warren, while Murphy delivered his final spell from the other end.

Murphy's record is fearsome. Surviving records covering 1978-1994 show that, over the course of 85 games for the Mandarins, he took 138 wickets at an average of 13.39 and an economy rate of just 2.04. For Elstead, the figures are no less impressive. Some 482 wickets, 15 five-wicket hauls and an average of 18.64. But Monday brought no final wicket for him, with your correspondent seeing out his final over for a maiden on the way to a difficult 10 as Mills at the other end raced to 38, exacerbating a leg injury in the process.

Sajjan hit a quick-fire 15 while his partners fell in rapid succession before he too succumbed to teenage opener Faulkner-Wybrott. The final over began with Matt Brown stumped off Lincoln’s bowling, at which point some suggested declaring. But Baxter would hear none of it, sending in Ramani to be caught two balls later. Again, the chorus suggested declaring, but in went Eastaway who, another two balls later, called for the run and made it most of the way down the track before being sent back by Williams. The return journey proved too much, and the Beast was run out, finally heralding the declaration.

A total of 192 seemed eminently defendable, but with a line-up short on bowling - and the weight of history heavily in Elstead’s favour - it would be by no means simple. Still, the Mandarins made a strong start, Porter removing opener Warren in the third over before Eastaway and Ramani struck to leave Elstead 44-3 in the 14th.

Left-handed J Warren looked useful before retiring hurt, but the runs continued to flow as Baxter turned to the more part-time members of the bowling attack.

A 53-run partnership off six overs set Mandarin nerves on edge, but the return of Baxter and Ramani reasserted control and two quick wickets saw Elstead 156-7 and brought Murphy to the crease, welcomed by a guard of honour.

He faced a difficult challenge. With only three wickets in hand - and one of the remaining batters injured - but only 37 to win, the stage was set of another heroic rearguard action. The question was, would it be Rourke’s Drift, or the Alamo.

With the sun dipping behind the pavilion, Murphy made a good start, but an attempt to sweep Baxter behind square saw the ball balloon up and into the hands of Porter. The Alamo, then, and Murphy walked off into the sunset to hang up his bat for good having managed one more than Bradman on his final appearance.

The end came quickly, Ramani remembering that if you want something done properly, you have to do it yourself and taking three wickets - two bowled, one caught and bowled - in his final over to leave him with figures of 5-37.

A first victory at Elstead since 2011 followed a first victory over the Quilibets since 2012 - one Mandarin was heard to liken the twin achievements to the ravens leaving the Tower - means we head to Oxford one game up and with the Chairman’s goal still within reach.

Chris McKeon

The Rakesh and Arvind (not that one) Show

Rakesh’s excellent form since returning from India was on display again at Mickleham, one of the nicest fixtures on the calendar against one of the most Mandarin of oppositions.

The Chairman did the only thing required off him which was to win the toss and bat on a hot day. Jonathan and his new bat and Rakesh, given the chance to build an innings, were on excellent form after Superstar Arun was bowled by a good one from the legendary Cameroonian international opening bowler. Jonathan, the Clive Lloyd of Mandarin cricket, as elegant and languid as ever was retired after reaching 50. Raki’s hunt for a Mandarin 50 goes on after he fell for 45, but it will come. Sam Brand said he was unleashing his alter-ego “T20 Sam” not previously seen by the Mandarins but apparently familiar to Heber Casuals. The crowd was very impressed and we were soon 160 for 2. The inevitable late collapse against the 10th and 11th Mickleham bowlers and some fine catching by some very young fielders saw us end up on 194 off our 35 overs.

After an excellent tea, the two Mickleham openers put on 59 in good time for the opening wicket. Sportingly the best of the two was retired on 50 and we began to “take back control” otherwise known as “we turned to Raki and he bowled beautifully”. A string of younger and older Mickleham players came and went. Baker and Baxter bowled well (with the former having to be cautioned for giving a death stare to a ten year old who dared to halt him in his run-up). Our third leg spinner, Heber guest Arvind, was accurate and threatening. The Archivist will need to decipher the scorebook which while very neat was somewhat less accurate and listed various bowlers as “Marvin”, “Akesh” and “64” but I am pretty sure that Rakesh took six and Arvind 3 or possibly 4. But we definitely took the 11 wickets required and won by 71.  A big shout out to Arvind for his four catches on debut (a record for a Mandarin outfielder?)

Off to the Running Horses for beer, banter and the Malibu challenge for those deemed worthy, in our case Arvind for breaking with Mandarin Arvind tradition and taking too many catches and Sam for dropping their skipper when we were desperate to take that 11th wicket and get down to the pub.

 All in all about as good as Mandarin Sundays get.

John Hawkins

Repeating Remarkable Runouts at S&M

A match of repeating remarkable runouts.

The Mandarins batted first, with Dan Taylor and Jeremy Jarvis opening the innings. Thanks to some good bowling and Streatham and Marlborough’s complete lockdown of the field with their smart fielding positions, we only gained runs at a slow rate. 33 runs in and Dan Taylor fell victim to the first of four run outs by a sniped throw from a fielder. To the dismay of the Mandarins on the sideline Jarvis, Baker and Paul fell in quick succession making the score 35 off 4. Baxter and Hawkins got things moving again adding 22 to the score before Baxter was caught. Then Hawkins called an optimistic single and was run out.

Adam’s spectacular 3 runs must have reinstated hope in those yet to bat as Graeme and Rakesh had the most successful partnership of 36, only to be cut short by the third run out of the innings (Graeme out for 21). Rakesh scored 22 before being bowled by Sami Taraki.  Last batsman Dan Forman got kitted up and walked on only to find himself not facing a single ball as Andrew Shackelford was the fourth run out, finishing the Mandarins' innings at 119 all out.

We took our fielding positions knowing we had to prevent as many runs as possible to have a chance at victory, but soon found our necks angled upwards to watch the ball that Sami (a Streatham & Marlborough batsman chosen by Dan.F to play against and not with us) sent far beyond the boundary for 6.

Sami continued to find the boundary although some were stopped by great fielding from Dan Taylor. We could have used some of the luck that their second batsman had as he managed to survive multiple edges that found their way between Paul (keeping) and Chris Baker. Rakesh put an end to Sami’s scoring by bowling him and taking the first and only wicket of the innings. This was not the only merit to Rakesh’s bowling however, having a spell of 7 overs where only 9 runs were scored against him with 4 maiden overs. Despite all the singles prevented by Jarvis and boundaries prevented by others Streatham and Marlborough were scoring too many runs and ended the day by surpassing our score of 119 with a final boundary after a taunting ‘At least win with style’ from Mr Tunbridge.

Although we faced defeat at the hands of S+M, I was happy we made it through the game without losing all the cricket balls we had available, though two and nearly three balls were lost to the shrubbery.

Adam Eastaway