Mandarins Turn Nasty to Vanquish Heber

Even though it has been going for fewer than 10 years, the match against Heber is undoubtedly one of the highlights of the Mandarins’ fixture list. It is always a hugely enjoyable game against a convivial opposition, albeit one that we have failed to beat since 2019. We reckoned that 8 of the Heber XI had turned out for the Mandarins at some stage, and previous incarnations of this fixture had seen several of the collective XXII play for the other side. It’s just all so nice.

And this got me pondering. One of the things about the Mandarins is that we really take pride in being nice. Over the course of the year we will often get comments from oppositions that we are their favourite fixture – not necessarily for the obvious reason – because we are nice. So we play Heber, who vie us for niceness, and we dial up our own niceness a notch. But they really do this well. Alex Frankpitt, occasional Mandarin and often a heavy run-scorer in this game, hits the most apologetic sixes I have ever seen. Heber as a team give off this vibe of being a bunch of dads that are just thrilled to be out on a Sunday playing cricket – and they genuinely are. But then they beat us. Year after year.

Rob Eastaway – the original Heberin (not my term, coined in a previous match report) – texts me a few weeks before the game to suggest that he doesn’t skipper the Mandarins this year. John Hawkins repeatedly refers to “The Great Eastaway Let Off Of 2022” versus Heber (or it might have been 2023, we’re not quite sure as match reports suggest that this isn’t quite such an egregious snatching-defeat-from-the-jaws-of-victory as John would have us believe, though I am fully signed up to the why-let-the-truth-get-in-the-way-of-a-good-story school of thought so am happy to keep this one going); nonetheless, this has clearly played on Rob’s mind, with him declaring that he lacks the objectivity to be an effective captain for this fixture. As Chairman it falls to me to take on the mantle and I decide that that we need to take different tack if we are going to give Heber a decent run for their money this year. So if we can’t out-nice Heber then we need to go the other way. Enter the nasty Mandarins.

The first act of nastiness is winning the toss and asking Heber to take the field. And reader, it is a hot, hot day in Dulwich. We’re talking 30oC plus. We then do what Heber don’t want – or at the very least what they don’t expect. Cue opening with a pair of Eastaways – after the success of the Formen against North Enfield the previous week, this feels inspired. It doesn’t work out quite as well but nonetheless we are treated to some classical Eastaway Snr technique and get a glimpse of what Eastaway Jnr is capable of with a glorious four clipped off his legs.

However, Wickets fall regularly and Tunbridge Jnr joins Wilmot in the middle with the Mandarins at a rocky (and not very nasty) 53-4. “No rush, it’s a time game”, I tell my son and sure enough he takes me at my word, dropping anchor, with Wilmot similarly slowing up as the Heber attack takes what little pace there is off the bowling. Whether by design or due to the heat (of course it’s the latter, this is Heber, no gamesmanship here), it succeeds in slowing things further. We reach 70 after 25 overs and talk on the boundary turns to what a defendable total is. I think the unthinkable and then say the unsayable to the Mandarins waiting to bat: “Don’t worry, we’ll carry on after tea”.

Such shock and awe tactics have the desired effect on those waiting to come in. Wilmot and Tunbridge Jnr succeeded in grinding down the bowlers, allowing Ramani and Rangarajan to plunder runs against a tiring attack. I throw in a few lusty blows for good measure and Forman carries on his form from the previous week. We add 114 in the last 15 overs and reach a solid total of 184 but not before I had administered a true act of duplicity – insisting on coming on as a substitute fielder for the aforementioned Frankpitt I sabotage the Heber efforts directly, conceding an overthrow almost immediately. “If we lose by one run, I’ll….I’ll….I’ll….be a little bit less chirpy” says Dan Taylor, another Heberin, to me. Considering that one of my Mandarin highlights is taking four catches whilst playing for the opposition against the Mandarins (and for those that may not be aware, it is the reason why it has become something of a tradition that I am an early sacrifice in any games of Werewolf), this is as nasty as it gets for me.

And then we go again, seeking to take 10 wickets. I tell the team to make the atmosphere hostile in the middle: “Don’t laugh at their jokes, they really hate that”. And what don’t the opposition want? The Mandarins very own version Branderson kicking things off. Hurstaway or Eastawurst, you take your pick (I know which one I prefer), but with over 1000 wickets for the Mandarins between them, this is as nasty an opening pair as I can conjure up. They take a little bit of time to find their range but settle into their groove and account for the dangerous opening pair of Elias and Phillips.

And then Heber do their thing, getting to 80-odd for three with little fuss and batting to come. And the Mandarins do their thing, giving batsman chances with some tricky, but gettable, catches going down. Baxter lets one through his fingers on the boundary and takes a glancing blow to the forehead; Tunbridge lets one through his fingers on the boundary and takes a glancing blow to the testicles. Both induce equal parts embarrassment and rage, but added to the new nasty Mandarins, it makes for quite the combination and the atmosphere on the field darkens. But lo, wickets start to fall – Forman with two and then Baxter with two (both catches juggling efforts taken by Ramani and Wilmot) leaving Heber with 50 runs to get in the final 10 overs with three wickets in hand.

Rangarajan has been one of our most dangerous bowlers this year though a hamstring tweak the previous week had meant that he had avoided my eye during the innings, unsure of how it would hold up. “Get a grip” I snarl, “next over from the far end”. Wilmot expresses concern “He’s injured, are you sure this is a good idea?”, quick as a flash I snap back “The soft power diplomacy of the Hawkins era has failed, you’d better strap in for this ride under your new Chairman”. Chastened, Wilmot takes his place behind the stumps, but I definitely detect a newfound note of respect.

At the other end I introduce Tunbridge Jnr who, like Forman, carries on his good form from the previous week and bowls a tight, tidy spell. And it’s clear that, whilst both he and Rangarajan are in their first season for the Mandarins, they have quickly worked out what it takes to be a successful Mandarin bowler – take the fielders out of the equation. Three clean bowled wickets later and it’s victory for the Mandarins and vindication for my new approach to this game.

And then, as Baker packs away his scorebook, we shed our snarls and swap it for beers instead. Two teams, one pitch, plenty of shared laughs. Heber shake hands, proclaim they’ve been properly schooled in Mandarin “nastiness” and wander off muttering about revenge plans for 2026. I raise my pint. “Do be gentle on us next year” I say with a grin. They just smile back, plotting their own devilish kindness. And truly, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Graeme Tunbridge

Fathers’ Days

Mandarins (98 all out) lost to Weekenders (100/6) by four wickets (time format)

https://mandarins.play-cricket.com/website/results/6977876

Mandarins (223/6) beat North Enfield CC (222/5) by four wickets (overs format)

https://mandarins.play-cricket.com/website/results/6866058

First, appropriately enough on fathers’ day itself, to Regent’s Park, against our friends from the Weekenders, and where sons of both skippers were in their respective sides. And where the Mandarins were glad to be supported by one daughter, two sisters and four female partners of players, from a total of five spectators from among the fairer sex (stick that one in the New Scientist puzzles section).

After an arranged toss, skipper son no1 Stan Forman was sent in to face skipper son no2 Blake Husseini, and it was Stan who got the best of the battle with a blistering 40 to get us off to a fair flier, but not before Blake had got the better of Baxter. However it was a crash landing after that, with no one else offering much of a contribution, albeit on a tricky, slow and uneven pitch. Kishen told the story of how his dad had once impressed his mum when she first came to watch him play by deliberately hitting boundaries to where she was sat. With his own wife in attendance for the first (and last?) time, Kish instead ran himself out by running half way down, slipping on the way back and only being able to watch from the floor as the fielders did their best to fumble the chance, only eventually getting the bails off as he got back on his feet still 10 yards short. Which just about summed the undignified innings up. We were 98 all out, taking an early tea and giving the Weekenders an extra half an hour of batting which it seemed highly unlikely they would need, however their innings went.

However a spirited and skilful effort in the field very nearly did bring those extra overs into play. We didn’t quite get to squeaky bum time but we did make them work bloody hard for it. Eastaway R and Healey C were highly economical with the new ball. Wahaj and debutant Ted were sharp in pace, with Ted picking up his first wicket for the club. And then Rakesh (7.3-5-11-1) and Kishen were relentless in refusing to let the Weekenders get over the line with anything easy, taking us well into final 20 overs and getting them six down and perhaps one away from a real wobble. One of those six was a shouldn’t-be-allowed-on-a-Sunday direct hit run out from Wahaj that would have graced the World Test Championship final across the road at Lord’s. But instead we went slightly in the other direction of Primrose Hill for a pint with our always convivial oppo, with Stan and Blake picking up the tab for their fathers.

A week later we were back in north London to face North Enfield CC, with not one, nor two but three father-son combinations in the side (Harry Forman, Adam Eastaway and Sam Tunbridge being the relevant offspring) and a game that will quite possibly be talked about for generations to come. It was a rollercoaster affair on the steeply sloping Strayfield Rd ground, with more plot twists than an episode of Succession.

Put into the field we were under the pump immediately with Enfield opener Gillman racing to 79 from 47 balls and taking his team past 100 in the 13^th over. So we were grateful that Graeme held on to him under the tree and that the umpire deemed that a slight brush of a branch did not breach the local ‘can’t be caught off the copse’ rule. From there skipper Tunbridge Snr marshalled his increasingly limited resources (including injuries to himself, Kishen and Harry) expertly on a rock hard pitch where the short boundary on one side and the downhill on the other presents some impossible captaincy choices.

His saviour was his son and heir Sam, making his full ‘competitive’ debut after his first appearance in the intra-club anniversary ‘friendly’ last year. Sam (5-0-8-1) was exceptional, having to bowl from both ends and against the Enfield skipper Will Munt (who was on his way to an unbeaten century) in the last 10 overs. He found a consistency of line and length that has long eluded his father, and helped keep a total that had looked like it could easily exceed 300 to a tough but chaseable 222. A word too for Nikhil Gidwani (4-1-12-2), not just for his best bowling for the club but also for a worldie of a one-handed catch at midwicket that surprised no-one more than himself. Mike Duggan will also bowl a lot worse and take a lot more wickets than he did on debut here.

And then the chase. A bit difficult to write about objectively for me as really there can be few greater pleasures than putting on a 100 partnership with my son. And with Harry in this form the best thing for me to do was spend as much time as possible at the non-strikers’ end with the best view in the house. He found all corners of the quirky ground in his 86, with a couple of hits over long on that Harry Brook couldn’t have struck much further. He got us well ahead of the required rate before he departed with the score on 127. Chris McKeon and I then just about kept us on it, I inched my way past my club best score and then 50, and we took the total to 189-1 with seven to bowl before, well, we never make things easy for ourselves, do we?

191-2, 192-3, 194-4, 198-5, with an over going by each time too. So 25 still required with just three to bowl now. Hearts were in mouths. Fingers were in front of eyes. Whatsapp messages were pinging on phones in Melbourne, Manhattan, Berlin and Chennai. Enter the dads, Tunbridge and Eastaway Snrs, with clear heads, cold blood and killer heart rates fashioned from years of Mandarins poker and even more years of Mandarins collapses in front of the gates of victory. But that wasn’t the lesson they wanted to teach their sons. Graeme found the boundary every time we needed him to, taking 10 from the over to keep us in touch. The next was tighter but the dads stayed cool, leaving 12 required from the last. Dot. Four. Two. Four. Nothing less than finishing G-nious from the skipper. Two off two required. A single to take the scores level, leaving Rob to face the last. Calm enough to tap rather than swing, he pushed into the offside, scampered the single and brought the victory home, our joint second highest ever recorded successful run chase. There are fathers days, and then there are days for fathers to tell their grandkids about

Dan Forman 

Two in Two as Mandarins Win Again

So here we are at Brightwell once again, a small Oxfordshire village enjoying a recent population boom driven by our erstwhile PM. The Club is in some ways a ‘throwback ‘to traditional village cricket, no League membership, friendlies only and full of characters, some from my very own Hockey Club.

In line with tradition Capt. Heard, having won the toss, elected to bat, allowing time for the late arrivals to swell team numbers. Weather in South Oxfordshire had been extremely wet in the prior 48 hours and the soft wicket suggested ‘low bounce and stickiness in the outfield but ‘lo and behold’ the bounce was acceptable and the ball rolled well.

Thus out strode Williams and Hawkins to meet a carefully positioned fielding side. As the match was to be of thirty overs per innings, some confusion existed as to the batting tactics to be adopted. Thus musings suggested—10 overs of resistance, ten of acceleration and 10 of wonderful exuberance, as an imaginary strategy to be pursued. Their opening bowlers were being worn down successfully but a quick single was called, JH like a scalded cat hurtled to the bowlers end only to be dismissed by a direct hit!

Tony came forth but after some close shaves nicked one to slip. Old man Kulkarni joined Williams and the first period of resistance closed with 42 runs ,a rate of 4 per over and 2 dismissals. The middle section saw an acceleration by NK and JL, and ,as DW departed  the rate climbed to 5 per over with excellent running and hitting (the running even complemented by the opposition over a beer in the pub!). The prospect of a respectable 150 total was within reach. But now  Mandarin effervescence overflowed, more from Kulkarni reaching an elegant 50 before retiring, bringing Kishen to the wicket to continue the push. Runs were scored at a rate, JL departed after a fine vibrant and combative knock, bringing Wilmot to the crease who with a deft single clipped between his legs completed the innings with a grand total of 179.

Now to the attack, not defence. Eastaway and Heard, tearing in at ‘Mandarin Warp Speed’ threatened success but the opening bats were making good progress towards our total. AH removed a threatening bat with a caught and bowled and then ‘the oldest swinger in town’ deceived the next, gaining one of two LBW’s given this day. For a while the ball flew in the air scattering Mandarins like pigeons as they strove to  either, catch or avoid the ball and frustration was building. The Captain , with such a proliferation of skills at his disposal was inspired to bring on the multi-talented CH to bowl his swinging wobblers and make a further breakthrough. Yet now, enter Kishan who, seizing the day, sent 4 Brightwellians back to the pavilion knocking the heart out of the opposition. So for the ‘coup de grace’, Thompson and Kulkarni, smart stumping by JW we pushed for victory.

The last man fell from a spirited edge ,plucked out of the air by our substitute fielder ,young Aadi Kulkarni, with much glee and celebration.

Beer followed at the Red Lion.

Scorecard here

Cheers, David

Mandarins v Brill, 1st June 2025

Mandarins 117 AO, Brill 105 AO. Mandarins won by 12 runs. 40 over game (but neither side managed to bat 30 overs)

Mandarins have played at Brill for at least 50 years. It is a beautiful ground with an excellent approach to cricket, and a very friendly and active club and clubhouse. It is one of our oldest fixtures, and has deservedly gained its reputation for providing one of the best teas. I have played there for approaching 40 years (eek). There is a proper trophy awarded to the winner – the Ron Young Cup. This has largely been in Brill hands in recent years.

Remarkably, all 11 Mandarins were on time. As Martin commented on WhatsApp, the team was well equipped with keepers (4: Chris, Bob, Jonathan and Tim) and had even brought a specialist umpire (the author). There was a strong spin contingent (Ramani, Hurst, Nair and Baxter) with 3 seamers in Rangarajan, Keayes and Heather. The batting looked a little less deep. Brill won the toss and put Mandarins in to bat. The match started on time, at 1pm, a rare event. Baxter and McKeon opened, with Chris particularly severe on any bad balls and going on to joint top score (see below) with 28. But the bowling was tight and Tim was bowled by Chima with the score at 17. Hawkhead came in at 3 and contributed precisely nothing to a 17 run partnership with Chris and a 10 run partnership with Jonathan before falling to a blinding slip catch by Eason off the bowling of Evans. Thereafter, with the bowling still straight, the pitch offering variable bounce and some bats offering help to the bowlers, a procession of wickets fell for not very much. Jonathan got an absolute beauty from Stocker: a perfectly delivered yorker that swung in late and took out middle and leg. Horrible unless you were Brill. By the time Rakesh strolled out, Mandarins had stumbled to 65-6, with Nair just out. Very shortly afterwards, it was 77-8, with Rangarajan and Heather also back in the hutch. As so often, Rakesh steadied the ship and put on 15 with Keayes, before the latter perished to a combination of a brilliant throw from mid on and dilatory running. Crucially as it turned out, the rock that is Rak then nursed another 25 runs out of a 10^th wicket stand with Martin, before the innings ended with Martin’s dismissal at 117. Rakesh finished on 24 NO, second top score. J Extras contributed a very creditable 28. Brill had bowled and fielded very well. None of us thought we had anywhere near enough.

After a superb and leisurely tea (thank you once again, Brill), the Brill innings began. With the plethora of keepers, it was agreed that Jonathan would don the gloves initially, with the plan being that Tivey and then McKeon would assume keeping duties later in the innings if required. Sam and Martin opened, and bowled well, but neither had any luck. The score reached 48, by which point it felt all over bar the shouting. But, then, the spin twin combo of Rakesh and Abhi began to weave a spell, and the fielding stayed at an unusually high standard. Abhi got one opener with a watchful catch by Tim, and Rakesh got the other with a very plum LBW decision. Rak the Rock then took a stunning return catch to dismiss the number 3. As Bob (by then keeper number 2) said, he never looked like dropping it.

At this point, there was no hope of victory. Rather, there was hope of some degree of respectability. Given that Mandarins had not won a game in 2025, this was only to be expected. But Rakesh had not given up hope and bowled beautifully, with Abhi giving great support. 2 more wickets then fell quickly, 1 each to Rakesh and Abhi, and suddenly Brill looked vulnerable at 5 wickets down. In came captain Sweetman. Dale has done his fair share of damage to Mandarins bowling attacks in the past, and batted with great purpose, if not always great timing. At the other end, however, wickets continued to fall, with Kishen (relieving Abhi) picking up the next with a good catch by Jonathan, who saw the ball late. Relentless Ramani  threatened continuously and took another wicket before clean bowling Dale, who had been marshalling the lower order, with a ball that kept low. Suddenly, an improbable win looked distinctly possible. Rakesh took another wicket before ending his 8 over spell with the remarkable figures of 8-2-23-6. After a brief final alarm, as a few runs were snatched at the death, Abhi deservedly took the final wicket with the score on 105, ending with the excellent figures of 7.5-0-25-3.

And so, the first Mandarins victory of the season was also one of our more improbable wins. Rakesh was by a considerable margin the man of the match, but the team as a whole worked together well to support him and the other bowlers, notably Abhi. There was good catching and alert fielding throughout. Afterwards, Captain Tim received the Ron Young Cup from Brill stalwart Chris Heslop, and then handed it back as it resides in Brill. The atmosphere was, as ever, warm and friendly, and the beer (I’m told) was good. This is a fixture to treasure.

Sirtone

Four beatings and a funer…draw

A round-up of recent Mandarins matches, rather than a classic Richard Curtis romantic comedy 

Mandarins lost to Peper Harow – 20 April 2025
https://mandarins.play-cricket.com/website/results/7054693

 

Mandarins lost to HM Treasury and Cabinet Office – 1 May 2025
https://mandarins.play-cricket.com/website/results/6977873

 

Mandarins lost to Graces – 11 May 2025
https://mandarins.play-cricket.com/website/results/6809985

 

Mandarins lost to Millfields – 18 May 2025
https://mandarins.play-cricket.com/website/results/6687534

 

Mandarins drew with Brixton Barbarians – 25 May 2025

https://mandarins.play-cricket.com/website/results/6977780

 

For the record, a brief summary of four defeats, stopping only to dwell on the highlights, which itself won’t take too long. Especially as Healey has already written elegantly about Peper Harow here:
https://mandarinscc.blogspot.com/2025/04/redemption-songs.html

So that’s that done. We only hope to see him back on the field for us soon, writing his own redemption song for us.

 

The Treasury game only had one real talking point (or should that be honking point?), when a Chiswick goose deprived us of a much-needed boundary. Wisden’s actual cricket writer of the year 2025, believe it or not, did his best (or should that be worst?) with that here: https://mandarinscc.blogspot.com/2025/05/mandarins-vs-treasury-goosegate-t20.html

Some might say that actual ECB-qualified umpire Hawkhead also deprived us of a much-needed batter when he triggered t20 specialist Vijay, but the light would have probably defeated us anyway, even if the Treasury’s excellent bowlers hadn’t. The game will hopefully also be notable to future club historians as the debut of Kishen Rangarajan, in which he scored his first and took his first of what promise to be many Mandarins runs and wickets.

 

Graces and Millfields can perhaps be combined to say that we batted well in one and bowled and fielded brilliantly in the other. Unfortunately, well, you know the rest…
In our defence, Graces was a bad toss to lose on a rock hard pitch on a hot day with a short boundary. They had good bats who got away from us (not helped by dropping all of them at various points). And we kept it under the club record worst runs conceded with Abhijit, Saad and Chanath all also making encouraging debuts. Thanks to Ramani’s career-high score of 87* we also scored a credible 206/9. And the oppo themselves recognised that it would have been a very exciting finish in a timed game, which is what we agreed to play next year.

Millfields also had a very good bowler in Callum Hughes who swung it in later than we were able to get our bats down onto. And we got it over the club record worst score thanks in part to debutant Eddie Hyde. And we really did bowl and field well. Rakesh’s catch at point to get the dangerous Collis was as good as any you will ever see on a Sunday. The highest compliment I can pay it is that I'm not even sure Baxter would have got a hand to it. Rob was superb with the new ball, and Abhijit showed himself to be a very skilful leggy, while Wahaj got his rewards in his second spell for putting in a fine first shift. It was just such a shame that having kept them to an in-the-game-here 142 we didn’t really stay in the game at all… but let’s not dwell on that.

 

Let’s dwell instead on a lovely first game against the Brixton Barbarians, played in true Sunday spirit and showing the best of declaration cricket in allowing everyone to play a role and going down to the very final ball. After arranging to bat we soon rued giving them Kishen to make up their numbers when he clean bowled all four of our top four. In fact, all nine of our first wickets fell to capped Mandarins bowlers, with Adam Eastaway accounting for Stan Forman in the offspringoff, and Abhijit, Saad and Wahaj accounting for the rest. But it took a good while to account for our ninth wicket stand. The 88 partnership between Raki and Rob was a new club record, first rescuing us and then taking us somewhere past respectability towards even what you might call dominance.

 

It was a dominance that Rob then helped continue with a typically miserly opening spell of 8-3-13-1, with Owen Jackson also getting a quick three-fer at the other end to put us right on top. But Wahaj and Kishen put up an outstanding rearguard action, with a 50+ partnership that took 14 overs to separate and kept the Barbarians in the hunt themselves for most of it. But the returning Jackson trapped Wahaj lbw, which left an exciting six to bowl with three to get. There were appeals aplenty, there were oohs, there were aahs, there were increasing numbers of men around the bat, as Adam came and went and Owen got his first five-fer for the club. Nikhil pushed at one just in front of Stan. Kishen refused to be moved until the big man eventually got him with four balls to go, to give Owen 6-39 and the best figures of his life.

 

Could he go one better again with three to bowl at their number 11? He gave it his all and gave himself an eight-ball over with two wides that were sportingly signalled by the Brixton umpire, despite some barbarian barracking about dots being more helpful to them at this point in proceedings. On Owen’s very final effort he dug it in and got one to lift. Did he catch an arm, a glove, or was it even a bit of bat? Was it enough for the umpire to give it or the batter to walk? Alas, we will never know as, slightly unsighted, keeper Wilmot put down the ‘chance’. But let’s not dwell on that…

 

Although, if Richard Curtis is asking, it was glove, actually.

 

Dan Forman

Mandarins Vs Treasury - Goosegate T20

Feathery shot from Kishen. Bird was fielding at third gander.

Just did enough to take some pace off the ball and gaggle it in. 

Didn’t have much of an arm so a treasury teammate had to come over and go-sling it back in. 

A lesser, awardless, writer might describe it as fowl play as there were now 12 a playing. But I wouldn’t go there.

Redemption Songs

Sometimes the score book doesn’t tell the whole story of a game. A casual glance at the numbers here would suggest that we got a bit of a battering; in reality, it wasn’t quite that close. But a good Mandarins fixture has more to offer than a mere result.

So I won’t allow this match report to focus for too long on the match. That would be narrow, reductive, and unresponsive to the way truth is mediated by linguistic structures and desire. Also, we got battered. Initially, by batters - Peper Harow had a string of players with good technique and the ability to hit a verrry long ball. We actually did pretty well to peg them back to under 200 from the 35 after a flying start (101-2 from 15), but ultimately, they were too good for us, and wound up scoring more runs in boundaries than we did in total.

But still, I reckon almost all the Mandarin side went home with something good to remember from the game. Here are some of those stories.

Gary Plahe, whose bowling has been extremely valuable in previous Peper fixtures, was very short of practice (ie none) and confidence (ditto), and responded to being given the new ball with a slightly horrified “ARE YOU SURE THAT’S A GOOD IDEA??”.  His insecurity proved entirely justified alas, but redemption came later with the bat when he hit one of the three Mandarin shots of the day, a perfect straight swing depositing the ball over the bowlers head for four and holding the pose with superb confidence.

The other two shots of the day for us were gorgeous pick ups over mid on. One was by Ollie Chadwick, whose bowling had also, like Gary’s, not gone to plan, a mid-over attack of the yips requiring some deep breathing and holding of nerve. The other was by Gary’s stepson Aaron Harris. Aaron had actually bowled a very good little spell already, but must have been gutted that two of the three wickets he should have taken were spilled by Mandarin fielders (Sam Brand’s see-it-late drop-it-early routine was a particularly entertaining mix of doomed fielding attempt & last minute self protection). Aaron’s sweetly timed pick up off the bowling of Arras was a thing of beauty and our only six of the day.

(By the way my own role in this game was just to stand in the field directing traffic, last week’s innings at Dulwich having wildly aggravated some pre-existing conditions of tennis elbow, golfers elbow, and RSI. This is all mildly perplexing as I don’t play tennis or golf. The RSI… we’ll pass over I think.)

As well as later batting stylishly at no. 7, Sam Chadwick was (with Martin Hurst) the pick of the bowling. He too had to battle through a tough period though, his trough of despair coming after a startling first three overs had disappeared for 37 runs. (I’m hoping that sentence will wind up on an EFL course.) Redemption came from cannily flattening the flight a little, the next 4 overs producing a fine 4-19 to reward the captain’s confidence in him and keep us in the game. Well bowled young man.

To return to the match narrative for a moment: our batting could not cope with Peper Harrow’s bowling attack either. David Williams blobbed (but hopefully left smiling about the very nice stumping he had effected earlier); Sam Brand was pressured into a swish; by the time the Chadwick brothers and Gary/Aaron joined them in the hutch we were 69 for 6. At this point we were dead and buried - it may have been Easter Sunday, but we weren’t coming back from here.

Fortunately however, more Mandarins found some late pleasure to take from the game. Jon Porter had gone wicketless but by scoring an unbeaten 32 topped his daughter’s recent excellent debut for Glamorgan. (He made three more runs than Gemma; I imagine there was a phone call later in the evening with a red-faced clenched teethed Jon channelling Ray Winstone in Scum: “WHO’S THE DADDY?!”). Rob Eastaway - also wicketless despite a very good spell - joined Jon after a carefree Heard vignette, and facing an ask of 108 from 8 overs wisely opted to have fun instead, carving it away through point for a fine 28 runs of solid red ink.

It could not change the game alas. We were going to the inevitable, like Larkin. But most clouds have a bronze lining (hey I’m a realist too). While we thank Peper Harow for the game and congratulate them on a fully deserved victory, there were still plenty of happy memories to take back up the A3 with us. We hope our newer players took a few with them.

Chris Healey